Things to do in Bangkok when you're Bored.

...and stuck in the city due to mass anti-government protests.

-Shop.
-Gorge on street food.
-Visit temples.
-Make friends with Israelis, because there are arguably more Israelis in Thailand than Thai people.
-Visit some more temples.
-Swim in the pool at a hotel that is not yours.
-Sweat.
-Drink ice cold alcohol out of buckets, despite warnings about ice in tropical countries. Damned Hepatitis.
-Wander around the city on the public bus, which is free for unknown reasons.
-Reconcile with your best friend.
-Sweat some more.

For more information about what's going on in Thailand right now, check out the following link, or be un-lazy and check the news yourself.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7590357.stm

I may have forgotten to mention that I was going to Thailand. I'm in Thailand. The end.

Spring Scream 2008: On beaches, shade and music.

April 6, 2008.

On music: This weekend was a long weekend in honor of Tomb Sweeping Day, otherwise known as Taiwanese spring break, otherwise known as Spring Scream, Taiwan's biggest (only) outdoor music festival, which is marked by the descent of Taiwanese and foreign youth alike upon Kenting and its surroundings in a frenzy of music, alcohol, drugs and not very much clothing. I had hoped for body paint, but was disappointed. Unlike Coachella, which I attended in California last year at about this time, I was not at Spring Scream to see any band in particular, except for my friend Chris' band, which I missed, because I got there too late and didn't know that his band was playing under a different name because they didn't have a performance visa and would have been deported if they had played under their own name. How the name swap makes a difference is beyond me, but in any case, we made it to one whole evening of the three day festival because we were preoccupied with the beach (see below) and saw some cool bands whose names we will never remember. I love music. I love live music. I love live music when it's outdoors and it's beautiful and when there are sparkly masks and butterfly wings involved. 

On shade: I got to Kenting on Thursday afternoon and got a bed at the dive center, for no reason other than that I was too lazy to pitch my tent. I spent the afternoon on the beach and made friends with some amicable Americans who bought me beer all night despite the fact that it was blatantly clear that neither of them stood a chance of sleeping with me. Chivalry is not dead after all, it seems. On Friday I hung out with them and allowed them to feed me beer as of 10 am (it's beer o'clock somewhere, they insisted) until Renata, Roisin, Rachel, Jimmy and Scott arrived in the early afternoon. We set up camp on a gorgeous, empty beach (kind of empty - I think technically it belongs to a resort but we were pretty far away from it), made a campfire, and proceeded to get too drunk to get our timing right and ended up missing all of the shows. We did manage to wander into town for a bit and Jimmy and Scott attempted to see Rza at a resort, but Rza was a no-show - who would have thought that southern Taiwan wouldn't be on his itinerary? (Fat Joe was subsequently a no-show the following night as well) We agreed to preserve our energy and go big or go home on Saturday and went to bed at 2:30, not realizing how soon we would be rising from our peaceful slumbers. Our beach was paradise; arguably the nicest place I've ever camped  - the bluest of blue waters, soft white sand and not a soul, save for maybe a fisherman with a glow in the dark fishing rod, in sight. But there was no shade. Not even a little bit. Nowhere to run if it got too hot. Which it did. So when the sun started ferociously beating down on our tents at 6 a.m., there was no escape and we were up for the day. So word to the wise - when selecting a campsite, make sure there is some shade-facilitating shrubbery and save the saunas for after the gym. 

On beaches: Many of my most important memories, good and bad, have taken place on the beach. Last night was one of the best nights I have had in Taiwan and it took place on Dawan beach in Kenting. After the shows wrapped up at 2, the girls went to bed and the boys and I headed to the beach. It was chaos. There were people everywhere, fireworks being set off dangerously close to people's faces, and more substance abuse than humanly necessary. Also ugly white guys making out with beautiful Taiwanese girls. Jimmy went off and did his thing, and Scott and I decided that it was friends-making time. We laced our way through groups of party-goers exchanging greetings in poorly-toned Chinese until we found ourselves a taker, settling down with a rowdy group of Taiwanese twenty-somethings who took turns taking pictures of us, told Scott he was handsome, told me I was beautiful, and gave us beer. We didn't understand each other but we didn't let that get in the way of what sounded like many good jokes. We made friends with two big guys from Ghana who were both named Larry, and put sand in the pockets of a French dude who was passed out in the sand. At 5 the DJs started setting up and by 530 the beach was bumping; it was surreal. Scott and I made the semi-conscious decision to leave at about 6, in order to feign an attempt at some sleep, but it was a touch choice. We wanted to leave before our bodies started to hurt and get tired and we didn't want to be there anymore, but as we drove down the road which should have been quiet, people were still streaming towards the beach. We had a hard time locating our campsite, because we were still unnecessarily intoxicated. Once we found it, it was unquestionably morning - we had a good laugh and went to bed. I got about 45 minutes of sleep in before the sauna-like conditions started closing in on me, at which point I took my sarong outside of the tent and passed out face first in the sand, using the shadow of the tent as my shade. It didn't work, and I didn't sleep, but I'm pretty sure it was worth it. 

Dawan circa 5 a.m. The author is torn between her desire to live a normal, productive and meaningful life and her desire to hang out on the beach forever. 

On being home.

I called my best friend yesterday and asked her if she'd like to join me for dinner and some early evening shopping. "How do you plan on shopping," she said, "stores here close at 5!" This notion confused me, as do many other things about being home, such as the fact that I can drink the tap water and flush the TP. 

I've been home for roughly a week. It's cold here, both literally and figuratively. I am overwhelmed by the variety of white people, black people, Indian people, and generally non-Taiwanese people. I am experiencing serious aural overload - I've become so used to being surrounded by the Chinese chatter that I learned to block out that having to process the noise pollution that comes from the plethora of conversations being held on the subway in a multitude of languages that I can understand is simply mind-boggling. Worse even is the fact that not only can I understand what other people are saying all the time, they can understand me. This can be problematic when calling people fat ugly cows with bad fake orange tans when they're sitting at the table next to you. I'm so getting beat up this summer. 

Despite the fact that deep down I know that leaving Taiwan when I did was the right decision, I miss it dearly already. Things that I miss include, but are not limited to:

-danbing

-my danbing lady who let me hold her baby while she prepared my breakfast

-beer, cigarettes and food which are so cheap that they're pretty much giving them away

-my proximity to the beach and my permatan

-KTV

-typhoons, earthquakes, and holding Rachel's hand during earthquakes

-the wide array of men that made for extremely bizarre dating experiences

-my kids (not all of them, but the cute ones, for sure)

-having a forum in which to use my limited Chinese vocabulary which includes words and phrases such as "turn right", "cold beer", "I am an english teacher", "I think papaya tastes disgusting", and "I don't understand." 

-my wonderful and amazing if slightly insane friends

Having said this, it should be noted that it's been excellent to see my wonderful and amazing if slightly less insane friends from home, as well as my family. I've been welcomed back into the fold with open arms and it's reassuring to know that I have people in my life who I can be separated from for weeks, months and years at a time and nothing changes other than maybe our hair colors (and even then, not really) and every so often, our boyfriends, and really, that's just me. It might take some time for me to get used to certain Canadian idiosyncrasies, like the existence of traffic regulations, but as far as people go - it's like I never left. 

You say hello, I say Bye Bye

Guilted by Alan's accusation that I haven't updated my blog in eons, (justifiably, because he's likely the only one who reads it anyway) I have decided to try and cram my last five months in Taiwan into as few words as possible and am committing the next few days of my glorious unemployment to this task, or at least the next few minutes. I arrived back in Canada about three days ago and am currently experiencing symptoms of introspection, detoxification, and severe reverse culture shock. 

The Taiwan era has ended, as short-lived as it was. I decided that rather than spend my last weekend at the bar, I would fit in one last adventure, so on Friday night Rachel, Roisin, Durgham, Scott and I boarded a ferry at 11 pm en route to the Penghu Islands. We had third class outdoor seating, but like on the Titanic, us commoners have more fun anyway. At around 3 am we realized that we had misunderstood our tickets and actually had reclining seats in the air-conditioned indoor cabins, so Roisin and Rachel headed there, and the boys and I tried to find unoccupied berths in the people-who-like-to-pay-more-s0-they-can-lie-down section. Durgham found one and peaced out right away, and Scott and I found a room with two beds but were informed via hand signals that one of them was taken by a boozehound who was still out consuming pijo, so being the gentleman that I am, I let Scott take the bed and went to find the girls, only to not find them at all, or my seat. I found an empty seat and dozed off with people eating chicken feet all around me. I woke up about 40 minutes later to discover that the girls had slept on the floor on the deck outside, it was 6 am, and we still weren't there. 

Upon arrival in Penghu we wandered the streets until we found breakfast, a hotel, and a scooter rental shop that would rent us scooters without licenses. Penghu is a chain of islands connected by the Great Penghu Bridge, not to be confused with the Not-So-Spectacular Penghu Bridge, and we spent the rest of the weekend zipping along, finding new beaches to swim at, jellyfish to sting us, and children to throw mud at. As I sat on the back of Scott's scooter with the wind blowing through my hair and Scott's back sweat spreading onto the front of my shirt, I took in the skittle-green hills and the blue-raspberry-gatorade-colored waters and started to wonder if I was going to regret leaving...

It was a nice send-off; I have incredible friends. I probably will. 

Chinese New Year 2008

We decided last week to take advantage of our Chinese New Year holiday to explore some of the sights of Taiwan. I'll try to summarize best I can but this might be a longish post that you might not finish, but I'm going to write it anyway because I know there are at least 1 or 2 that will. For those who do make it to the end, I will reveal to you the meaning of life.

Part 1: Taipei

We left Kaohsiung on Saturday and bussed it to Taipei, sharing the back row of the Ubus with a Taiwanese dude whose sleeping arrangement of preference was resting comfortably on Roisin's chest, but who sensed that this wasn't working out for her and kindly moved away after a while. We got to Taipei at 3 and after circling Main Station 3 or 4 times found Renata and subsequently our hotel. We spent the afternoon wandering around 2/28 Peace Park (it was peaceful) and bumping into people we knew from KHH. We got dumplings from the angry dumpling lady, had some chills in our hotel and then headed out to get insatiably lost in search for dinner, ending up at a pub called the Brass Monkey where we befriended our Hongkongese waiter Gary who gave us free magnets and sorted out the rest of our evening for us (i.e., wrote down the addy of the club we were going to in Chinese so as to avoid further getting-lost-age) We made it to Room 18, a swank club in the basement of a shopping mall, and it was kind of a scene out of The City Mouse and the Country Mouse - we felt a little like bumkins, coming to Taipei from Kaohsiung, but we loved every minute of it, from the surprisingly great looking Taiwanese men to the slutty underage girls. We abandoned ship at the point where it became so crowded that we couldn't walk 5 feet without being separated, stood around in the rain outside the 7/11 for a while, talked to a really drunk girl who told us that we sucked, hopped in a cab and continued our party in our room.

The next day we headed to the National Palace Museum, the highlight of which was definitely the true-to-life-form jade carving of a stalk of bokchoy cabbage, got a bus to Yangmingcheng National Park for some freezing cold hiking (it was 12 degrees - the travesty!) and formed the "I Hate Rachel Hoffman Fan Club", of which I am president. That was all.

Part 2: Hualien/Taroko

On Monday we caught the train to Hualien where we were greeted by the lovely Yan-Cheng who escorted us to our hostel, which was a gem even though our room didn't have real walls and it sometimes smelled like cat litter in the morning. It was raining, for the third day in a row, and of course I hadn't packed my $120 MEC raincoat, so I purchased a child-sized yellow poncho from the 7/11 and braved the weather in style. Found some curry fried rice and a temple, and called it a day. That night we hit up the "All Star Live House", a.k.a. the Only Bar in Town, for some dirty pub food and live music - little did we know that this would be our first of three nights there. The last night they gave us glowsticks to thank us for our devotion.

On Tuesday we rode the bus up to Tiansiang with the home-schooled polygamist family that was staying in our hostel. The bus smelled faintly of sausages and I had to pee the whole time but the view was spectacular so I couldn't complain. We hiked Taroko Gorge for about 5 hours and hitched down when we were ready to leave. Robyn and I were picked up by 4 very nice Taiwanese people in a sweet SUV who kept saying , "Yilan, Yilan!", which is a town in Hualien county that we had bypassed on our journey. I thought that they were suggesting that we visit Yilan, and even went so far as to draw them a map of Taiwan in the air, tracing out our itinerary with my finger and assuring them that while I was sure that Yilan was very beautiful, we weren't going to make it there this time around. Upon the realization that what they really meant was that they were GOING to Yilan, now, I got them to drop us in Taroko proper, because we didn't want to go to Yilan with them, and got an expensive taxi back to Hualien.

Our last night in Hualien was Chinese New Year. Everything was closed, and the town was pretty quiet. We made our own fun. It must be noted that having a firecracker set off under your ass does not feel very good.

Part 3 - Kenting

After all this we took the train to Fongliao and then headed down to Kenting for some sun, beer, food, campfires, meat on sticks, street games, and banana boating. It was glorious. There were copious amounts of young Taiwanese couples wearing matching outfits and families of 6 riding around on scooters. We had a serious sand-burying session and we let Taiwanese tourists construct sand breasts with firecracker nipples for Rachel and then take pictures of her in exchange for snacks. Kenting is always awesome, but the highlight of this trip there was definately running into my neighbor from third year on the beach. He lives here too. It's a small freaking world.

Back in Kaohsiung, we arrived home to find that our cat had gained five pounds and desperately needed to be neutered and that we had to go back to work. This was less fun than frolicking around our beautiful island. Life is back to normal now, busy, and wonderful. My parents arrived a few days ago for a two week visit - a whole new kind of adventure for me. More soon.

Because I'm too lazy to post pictures from the trip up here, please do check out the following links:

http://carletoncanada.facebook.com/album.php?aid=14655&l=8c3af&id=510248077

http://carletoncanada.facebook.com/album.php?aid=14668&l=357f5&id=510248077

Oh...and the meaning of life is, obviously, cookies.

Teacher Joanna

At the risk of sounding like a big block of cheese - perhaps of the brie variety; baked even, by Jane Park maybe... - I think yesterday may have been the day that I became a good teacher. I don't know why and I don't know how, but I thought that I should record the sentiment before it is lost and I go back to screaming at children.

The Taiwan Ex-Pat Mitzvah Moment.

What would you do if you found a stranger sleeping on a mat outside a bar? First, you'd probably try and put him in a cab. Upon realization that said stranger had no money, no identification, and no idea where he lived or was staying, would you feed him to the wolves?

In most cases, the answer would be yes. My mother taught me never to talk to strangers. In North American culture we have been conditioned to be afraid of the unfamiliar. In Taiwan, if the unfamiliar speaks your language, that's sometimes be good enough for you. The ex-pat community here is pretty tight and goes to great lengths to help each other out in many ways. 

"Can I call you Tina Fey?" the guy sitting next to me asked, "because you're funny, you're hot, and you look like a secretary I want to have sex with." What a winner. I graciously ignored this half-assed attempt at flattery. He wandered off into the night, to slur his words in someone else's direction, I assumed. An hour or so later, I got a tap on the shoulder. "Is that your friend in the striped shirt?" Of course not. "Because he's passed out on the ground outside." Shit.

He had been abandoned by his friends and when we brought him inside to try and figure things out, the only responses he could give to our questions were, "I like apples," and "stop treating me like an immigrant!" We paper-scissor-stoned who got to take him home and put him up for the night. Nathaniel lost. After changing his mind about having an overnight guest, Rachel and I took this poor bloke from Saskatchewan and put him on our couch. When I emerged from my room at 2 the next afternoon, he was gone. Our TV and all other expensive household items were still there. We'll never see this kid again, and it was probably a pretty stupid idea to bring him home in the first place, but I'd like to think that someone out there would do the same thing for me if I were ever to allow myself to be put in such a situation, which I would never, of course. (Hi, mom.)

In any case, I think I've done my good deed for the week. Some would call it a mistake, some would call it a mitzvah. I think Mike, Rachel, Henry, Nathaniel and I are entitled to some good karma come our way soon.